STRESS

I have a lot of stress lately that it's interfering in the daily routine. Wait. what daily routine?? Good question. So lately I haven't been doing anything but playing with friends. I thought I would be happy but turns out the thing that makes me the most happy is being in school, learning, exploring, struggling but still doing everything I know to be right. I'm not really stressing about school right now and due to my wide open schedule I've been worrying a lot more about bigger problems. Problems that I can't control. My biggest struggle is that these problems lie on the very base of my morals, values, ideas, that heart of my testimony and I'm struggling. Everything, okay not everything, but one of the basis of what I believed in is starting to shake. I feel like someone pulled the rug RIGHT from underneath me. I pray for sunshine but even Joseph Smith and Jesus Christ suffered before they were approached by an angel, or the voice of God. (Or so that's what I keep telling myself!)

I've been incredibly stressed lately. I've been crying abnormally high lately and its starting to hurt me physically. I start to wake up with more headaches than usual and I don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to, or if its all in my head and I need to grit my teeth and learn to bear it. There's been a lot of ups and downs at my house that I used to call home. When did it turn from a house to a home? When did it turn to a place that I didn't look forward to come to? I start to get discouraged when I think I can't help or do anything about situations I'm currently going through. I can't help but think about it, but the rough part of it all is I hate feeling this way because I know I can be better and start getting on myself even more.

I wish I had something beautiful to write right now, some poetry, literature, something I could shine from. The truth of the matter is, sometimes life has Grey clouds so we can someday have endless sunny days and appreciate them even more.

I've been pleading more in my own heart about what to do right now in my life instead of talking to everyone, or anyone else. Last night for the first time I kinda let some of my emotions out on my friend and this morning slightly felt guilty about it but somewhat relieved. Sometimes even when we're struggling in the very depths of our hearts know we can do better, and when we shy away from that at any time, during any struggle we regret it. The worst of it all is there is someone out there that I need to talk to, but I seem to be talking to the wrong people about it. My closest friends know how positive and faithful I can be, when I start to fall anything short, they don't want to hear about it. I don't blame them. There's nothing worse than a sour puss.

I think I know who I need to talk, but that's the very last person I would like to approach...

There are reasons for what we go through... I'm just still trying to figure out the reason and the time for it right now.