STRESS

I have a lot of stress lately that it's interfering in the daily routine. Wait. what daily routine?? Good question. So lately I haven't been doing anything but playing with friends. I thought I would be happy but turns out the thing that makes me the most happy is being in school, learning, exploring, struggling but still doing everything I know to be right. I'm not really stressing about school right now and due to my wide open schedule I've been worrying a lot more about bigger problems. Problems that I can't control. My biggest struggle is that these problems lie on the very base of my morals, values, ideas, that heart of my testimony and I'm struggling. Everything, okay not everything, but one of the basis of what I believed in is starting to shake. I feel like someone pulled the rug RIGHT from underneath me. I pray for sunshine but even Joseph Smith and Jesus Christ suffered before they were approached by an angel, or the voice of God. (Or so that's what I keep telling myself!)

I've been incredibly stressed lately. I've been crying abnormally high lately and its starting to hurt me physically. I start to wake up with more headaches than usual and I don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to, or if its all in my head and I need to grit my teeth and learn to bear it. There's been a lot of ups and downs at my house that I used to call home. When did it turn from a house to a home? When did it turn to a place that I didn't look forward to come to? I start to get discouraged when I think I can't help or do anything about situations I'm currently going through. I can't help but think about it, but the rough part of it all is I hate feeling this way because I know I can be better and start getting on myself even more.

I wish I had something beautiful to write right now, some poetry, literature, something I could shine from. The truth of the matter is, sometimes life has Grey clouds so we can someday have endless sunny days and appreciate them even more.

I've been pleading more in my own heart about what to do right now in my life instead of talking to everyone, or anyone else. Last night for the first time I kinda let some of my emotions out on my friend and this morning slightly felt guilty about it but somewhat relieved. Sometimes even when we're struggling in the very depths of our hearts know we can do better, and when we shy away from that at any time, during any struggle we regret it. The worst of it all is there is someone out there that I need to talk to, but I seem to be talking to the wrong people about it. My closest friends know how positive and faithful I can be, when I start to fall anything short, they don't want to hear about it. I don't blame them. There's nothing worse than a sour puss.

I think I know who I need to talk, but that's the very last person I would like to approach...

There are reasons for what we go through... I'm just still trying to figure out the reason and the time for it right now.

You Wood.

Design is embedded in me. Even when I try to run far from design, it finds me. Last night after looking at a bunch of nursery decorations with my sister I start "blog surfing" this morning and last night. I ran across some incredible ideas. So I've decided in my "next life" I'm going to be a carpenter. :) Okay, maybe not. But my hat goes off to those who have the time and skills to make incredible furniture and decorations out of a simple piece of wood.

I absolutely love this idea. I love texture so I guess that's what struck me the most from this. The furniture should be crisp and modern with a wall as crazy as this. With some pops of color!





I love this stair case. I would definitely have this in my house if I could. Another idea, wood crates for a stair case! Is that possible? Anything is possible! You could always cover the concrete with wood slabs, some sanding and staining work!







Is this Cafe an indoors or outdoors cafe!? Why not both. What a cool company. http://www.naturemaker.com/index.php
(artificial steel trees) They had one in the middle of a gym too!! I love this idea. This cafe looks cozy, I'd eat there.




Okay. but let's be realistic.. who can bring in a whole tree into their house!? How about a branch then, and lets add lights!




hmm. The ideas and possibilities are ENDLESS! I love design! :)

Bring on the Arizona Summer!

Typical for one to feel on overheat when they step into the sunshine in the valley of the sun, but instead of a plea for thirst coming out of my mouth, comes a gasp of relief. Of course there will be mounds of sweat this summer in Arizona but I'm happy. Part of me is discouraged that I didn't finish up in SLC with a degree but I know in my heart that I'm in the right place. Life can bring discouraging news all it wants but it's how we approach the news that molds who we are.

I received a call from my former bishop today to tell me how much he loved me and appreciated my work (although I know it wasn't much because I was in my calling for a mere week). Yesterday I received a letter in the mail from the LDSBC President Larry Richards, "Congratulations for being one of the few students who maintained a 3.7 or higher for the 2008-2009 school year!" It's kinda nice to hear compliments once in a while for all your hard work. :) SLC was not easy, this summer may not be easy here but its definitely been worth it. There and hopefully here now.

I'm still on the search for a summer job to save me money but I've sold quite a lot of things and have made more than expected. Amazing what a little spring cleaning can make you! I don't know what's going to happen this summer but one thing is for certain, I need to remain positive! After all, you never know who's falling in love with your smile. ;)

Decisions.

Decisions are so difficult for me. I've never understood why! I wished I were more decisive and not indecisive. That is how we learn though. Sometimes even when we study out the choices we can still feel mixed up. Wished this wasn't the case.


Funny how the Lord answers your prayers. If you pray for patience, the Lord is going to send you to a classroom full of children. If you want money, the Lord is going to put you in the most challenging job ever.

I prayed if I should be going home, again. I guess I found my answer when the company I put my resume in for in Utah, told me I was not rehire able! I was a little annoyed when I found out why. But relieved when my old boss in Arizona told me she had a job opportunity for me. Coincidence? The Lord is aware of me! I just have to take some deep breaths as I've been whip lashed on this roller coaster ride.

So give me a minute as I catch my breath while I move back to the sunny state of Arizona. :)

Anxious. Excited. Nervous. Happy to go to Arizona for the summer! Wish me luck.

Celebrate GOOD TIMES! :)

What a week. What a month! What a semester... okay. well almost!! :)

School lets out in about... TWO WEEEEEEKS! I can't believe I am almost done with school! okay. well here at least. :)

For those of you who HAVEN'T heard.. I got accepted to both BYU-Idaho and BYU-Hawaii. Through fasting a prayer though my decision was actually one of the clearest decisions I have ever made. On the day I decided to fast, I fully intended to go to BYU-I to study Interior Design. After only a couple hours, I had a strong impression that I needed to rethink that decision. As I knelt in prayer that night I told my Heavenly Father that I was going to Hawaii!! I have NEVER received such a strong confirmation as I did that day. Only a couple days of really studying it out in my mind, and after asking the lord in prayer my bosom did burn that it was the right thing to do. I am grateful for the Lord in giving me options on what I could do! Now I've decided. I will be attending BYU-H this fall for about two years to finish up with my bachelors in Art Education! I can hardly wait. I'm anxious to be involved in a program, an international focused program, to continue to strengthen my knowledge and help others acheive and reach their knowledge, growth and potential.

This week.. one word? Overwhelming. I've never felt so close to the Lord as I have this last month. I have truly been blessing getting answers to prayers constantly one after another. I don't know where to start other than saying, prayer is real. Our HF is very aware of the intentions of our hearts, and minds. After a bishops interview this past week I was reminded of my saviors love for me and my testimony was strengthened of the blessing power that bishops have on this earth. Friends love and families love was reminded to me again and the power of education and teachers.

I am overall grateful for what I've been blessed with. We can't say that enough! Let us be grateful for what we DO have rather than reflecting on things we DON'T have. :)




ps. I'm 21 now!!!! :)

The Gospel is True.

I couldn't help but share about my fantastic day....

At the beginning of the day, my book of mormon class went over to the visitors center at temple square to watch the joseph smith movie. Eventhough I was a little bit late to the movie the spirit was so powerful. I can't even express all the impressions I had in my heart. My "allergies" were really getting to me though. I just kept thinking of how much the pioneers endured back then, from persecution and personal physical tribulations. I thought of something a bishop had said once to the youth of the ward and how the pioneers were looking down on with hope and amazement of what WE have to endure. This thought kept coming to me during the movie andI couldnt help but think how wonderful these people were from these times. Overall my testimony of Joseph Smith grew, not only for the knowledge I have that he was a prophet, but that he was just a GOOD person.

My testimony on temples has dramatically been increased in the last couple weeks too. Just talking about the spirit within the temple walls intices me to learn more.

I yet again had the opportunity to attend the open house for the Draper temple.

As I walked through the temple with one of my closest friends I explained to her that a temple is a place of learning about who we are, where we came from, and what we will become.
She was asking all sorts of questions and her eyes were opened so wide everytime we turned the corner. I was grateful once again to be sealed to a family where I can continue to dwell and progress with them. How simple and precious are the truths of the gospel! They aren't complicated but orderly and so beautiful!

I'm anxious when the time comes to some day go through the temple for myself. To learn in depth about my purpose and help those who are waiting, even at this time, for me to help them cross into paradise. My curiousity continues to grow within me as I continue to learn more and more about this gospel. About the most that I can say is how grateful I am for what I've been blessed with.

Hard Times

About two weeks ago I decided to take "weekend getaway" to Arizona. On the Thursday before after pacing my house back and forth I finally buckled down and bought my ticket around 4AM. I was SO tired but kept debating whether or not to go.

The week prior I was just curious and looked up plane ticket prices for the rest of the semester, nearly 300$. I thought, ridiculous! I'll wait till the fall to visit home again. The week of, I found myself checking online again. Funny that I found myself checking for that weekend... Things started to come in place. I got paid more than I needed to that week, tithing was paid for, my temple recommend was going to expire the day after I would get back (so I could go the weekend I was there), the plane ticket was about 1/4 of price that I thought it would be! Friends tried to convince me that I was crazy, although I already knew that I was. I decided to get on my knees and pray. "Heavenly Father, I'M CRAZY!"..is about all I could get out. I was making a big deal out of it because doing spontaneous trips like that for me was out of the question. All it took was a brother to tell me to "live a little" and a friend to tell me to "just do it", and I was ONE flight away!

I decided if I were to make the trip up to Arizona that I would make the trip for time spent with my parents. I can't believe how homesick I was until I got on the plane. When I got on the plane, after a daze up in the sky, I looked out the window and saw the rocks change colors from white to red. I wanted to cry. I felt my heart swell within me and a smile started to curl up on my face. There is something about home that will never go away. I hoped the feeling wouldn't disappear after seeing surprised looks from my parents! :)

Needless to say, my parents were thrilled to see me but I think I was more rewarding for me being there. There is always much to learn just being in the presence of your parents. The spirit just poured off of them and into my heart that weekend. I was able to go to the temple to do baptisms that weekend and eat lunch with my dad in the cafeteria there. Fortunately enough my mom bore her testimony through the Relief Society lesson on Sunday and the tears rolled fervently down my face. The closing song was "families can be together forever". How appropriate, I thought. The feeling of the song came to my eyes before the words came to my mouth so I just listened through the spirit and the beautiful voices of the women around me. That night I was privileged enough to receive a blessing from my grandfather "poppy". The words that he spoke in the blessing pierced my very heart and I couldn't help but be grateful of the Love he had for me and my Heavenly Father after I heard the words, Amen.



When I came home the spirit dwelt within me for a long time, I felt renewed. Unfortunately, sometimes, the ways of the world have a way of creeping themselves in your heart. I've tried to stay positive as I've noticed some rough patches that I can't avoid in my life but at times it seems nearly impossible. Your environment of which you surround yourself cause huge impact on your life. If you aren't in good situations your unlikely to do your best. Sometimes "home" doesn't feel like home, so I try to make other places in my life, 'home', or a safe haven.

Through each experience in life, there is always a lesson to be learned. Right now I am learning patience and optimism, faith and diligence, prayer and scripture study. By simple gospel principles you can build mountains! I've decided to not get so caught up in the big "truths" of the world but through the small and simple things and I've come to realize the beauty in trials and life. I will just have to keep the attitude of Christ even if it seems that "the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee..." I will try to keep in mind that "all these things shall give me good experience and will be for my good.