New Places. New Faces

I don't know how to gather my thoughts yet but, it's official, I'm living in Hawaii now. I've just moved into my dorm this afternoon and am NOT living out of a suitcase anymore. Thank heavens.

I started training for my new job today which goes on until Tuesday. There are various levels of how strict or not strict we need to be with our new job and the level of importance we are, amongst other things. In all honesty I can't help but be a little uneasy, nervous, overwhelmed. I feel for the next few months I'll definitely be depending on the Lord more. I don't know what I would do without prayer. I feel like I've been lost lately in my life, living out of suitcases, moving around, and now I'm finally settled and THROWN into it! I'm super nervous for this next chapter in my life because I'm still unsure about some choices I am making. They're good choices but, are they the best choices? Is there a better choice for me out there? Am I wasting my time?

I guess all I can say and express now is that this an experience now that I just have to pray that everything will work towards my benefit. I hope this next experience in life will mold me and shape me. I don't know what to expect but through out life we don't know what to expect. All the Lord can ask from us is to be prepared as much as we know how.

Ground Yourself

I've got a problem. Two Words = JET. LAG.

I'm currently staying in Utah for the next couple weeks. I will be returning back to Hawaii on the 16th. Lately I've been really confused about my life and what the heck I am doing, mostly because I've been living out of a suitcase for over a month. As soon as I got off the plane here in Utah I immediately felt at home. "oh dear" I can't start feeling that way, I'll want to move here.. then all over the country for me again. Not that pattern again. Today however was one of the first times I started to miss Hawaii a little bit. I've been in Utah for about 3-4 days now. I miss the beach, I miss family and I'm looking forward to start my job when I get back and start meeting people from all over the world. I'm looking forward to grow my roots. I think Hawaii will be a great opportunity for me. My first couple days here I could tell this is what I've been missing in my life, independence, laughter, being forced to meet other people my age on my own. I sincerely miss that in my life and I realized that's why I've loved Utah. It will always have a special place in my heart.

There has been some other reasons I've been lost lately and that includes relationships, love, friendships, etc. The other night I had a conversation with a really good/old friend of mine. He reminded me once again who I am. He made me realize my losses in the past can be made overcome and not through my constant moving around that I've been doing for the last 6 months, but by simply depending on those around me, getting on my knees and praying, find something to ground yourself and get to enjoy yourself again. I guess I've been a little bitter and a little hurt from different relationships that I've had these past couple years. Some relationships could have ended better, but some happened for a reason and at the time that they needed to. If there's one lesson I've learned in my life that has been huge it's knowing that you can't change anyone. No matter how hard you try, no matter how much you love and care for someone, they have to change for themselves. It hurts to stand by and let someone disregard who they are but agency is a god given gift for each of us individually and we have to learn to accept that we can't or SHOULDN'T take that away from ANYONE!

One of my best friends is getting married this weekend. (The Blonde in the picture with me!) I'm THRILLED!!! It's amazing to talk to her and listen to her talk about an eternal progression in her life. I'm slightly envious but more so thrilled and excited for this next chapter in her life. The more friends I see get married, the more I desire it for myself. My envy is their happiness my goal is to have that same happiness someday.

Like one girl spoke in her testimony this weekend, there is a reason for everything and there is a reason that it happens when it does. The truth of the gospel and life is we are learning and progressing step by step individually. Sometimes that step is a quicker pace for another or slower for someone else, but in the end we are all reaching that same end result and if we have that in mind we will have a deeper understanding and respect for everyone around us.

I just need to keep in mind to always look up and never down at my feet. Don't be so hard on yourself if you trip, just lift your head up high again and dust yourself off. Like is about discoveries even if it's in a way we don't want to discover.

The Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ.

WOW! What a fantastic day! Just when you start to say "oh me, oh my"...
One word. Gratitude.

I'm grateful for a LOVING family that is so knowledgeable in the gospel and attentive to the spirit. I am grateful for the opportunity to share with others my future goals and feel proud of myself. I am grateful to have been truly given an opportunity to share the gospel.

Tonight was one of the best nights I've had in a while. However I partially feel somewhat foolish. I had an opportunity one night to ask my friend if he would ever be interested in reading the Book of Mormon, explaining to him that everyone should be given an opportunity to learn and to grow regardless if they chose to follow certain council, they should at least have the option to chose for themselves. After my invitation he said he wouldn't mind reading the book of mormon at all! (This was about 3-2 weeks ago.) Meanwhile, Tonight he text me and asked if I still wanted to borrow a book of his that I had bought with him at the store! DEFINITELY! I said. So he said, okay I'll let you borrow it for when you go to hawaii! I'll swing it by tonight." okay great! While handing me the book he said, Can I borrow that book that you were telling me about? The book of mormon?, I said, kinda startled. It felt weird refering to it to just a book. Ya. I paused for a second, set back, "-YA! OF course! Hey, I have tons of copies! You can have the book!" Are you sure? he says. -OF COURSE!

You can hardly believe the tone in my voice. What the heck is wrong with me? I should have been more prepared here we are in the gospel where we are asked to give OUT the book of mormon, invite others to read it, invite people to come unto christ and I'm standing here being asked from someone unaware of how powerful the gospel is to share it with him. Who am I to judge if someone isn't ready to hear the gospel when they already think they are!
So here I am. kinda dumbfounded and embarrassed because I don't have important scriptures highlighted, I don't have my testimony written in. Just a few phrases underlined through out the book. I feel silly. So under prepared. I'm not a very good missionary. But I think to myself, what requires a good missionary? Having scriptures memorized or being prepared spiritually with your testimony?


We moved our book exchange over to the swing while we sat and I kinda shared a couple things with him. My mind was SUDDENLY unclouded of something that Richard G. Scott had said to me last Friday. "Give your friend a book of mormon and highlight or emphasize a scripture, like in nephi, that will make the book more personal" Okay. PERFECT! As we sat down I remember 1 Nephi 19:23, liken the scriptures unto yourself. I told him to read it, he said he would need a translator. haha. I said he'd get the hang of it after he read it through after a while. I explained and challenged him to read the book like a book, a story, and to compare the verses and stories to what's going on his own life and really take heed to what's been written in this book to your own life. After explaining this I explained that the Book of Mormon has helped me get through some tough times, when I'm doubting myself or going through struggles I can look up scriptures about faith that will encourage me to press forward. After a minute of discussing I could tell some questions were swelling inside him, he asked if the catholic church was anything like the mormon church. I explained to him when christ was born on the earth he was sent here to start his own church with apostles, and disciples. When he died those truths that he founded were corrupted because -have you ever played the game telephone? It's kinda like when it gets to the end the actual writting is mixed up with man made words, that's kind of like the Church. The book of mormon was translated through joseph smith, word for word, not passed through a bunch of different mouths. These scriptures testify of Christ's coming to the Americas. Today we have a prophet on the earth, just like ancient times where they recieve direct revelation. I believe that's how our church is different in one -BIG- way. We talked about a few other things. My smile was HUGE when I got in the house I want to pass another "book" out tomorrow! I encouraged him to call me if he struggled with any questions and that I would be glad to help.

I can't put words to my feelings, I'm estatic right now. I don't know if he'll get much out of the book but I hope and pray that the book of mormon will change his life as I know it has mine. I hope he feels burning in his chest and I hope I can help him search through it with him. I want to be an instrument in the Lord's hands.

I am so blessed!

STRESS

I have a lot of stress lately that it's interfering in the daily routine. Wait. what daily routine?? Good question. So lately I haven't been doing anything but playing with friends. I thought I would be happy but turns out the thing that makes me the most happy is being in school, learning, exploring, struggling but still doing everything I know to be right. I'm not really stressing about school right now and due to my wide open schedule I've been worrying a lot more about bigger problems. Problems that I can't control. My biggest struggle is that these problems lie on the very base of my morals, values, ideas, that heart of my testimony and I'm struggling. Everything, okay not everything, but one of the basis of what I believed in is starting to shake. I feel like someone pulled the rug RIGHT from underneath me. I pray for sunshine but even Joseph Smith and Jesus Christ suffered before they were approached by an angel, or the voice of God. (Or so that's what I keep telling myself!)

I've been incredibly stressed lately. I've been crying abnormally high lately and its starting to hurt me physically. I start to wake up with more headaches than usual and I don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to, or if its all in my head and I need to grit my teeth and learn to bear it. There's been a lot of ups and downs at my house that I used to call home. When did it turn from a house to a home? When did it turn to a place that I didn't look forward to come to? I start to get discouraged when I think I can't help or do anything about situations I'm currently going through. I can't help but think about it, but the rough part of it all is I hate feeling this way because I know I can be better and start getting on myself even more.

I wish I had something beautiful to write right now, some poetry, literature, something I could shine from. The truth of the matter is, sometimes life has Grey clouds so we can someday have endless sunny days and appreciate them even more.

I've been pleading more in my own heart about what to do right now in my life instead of talking to everyone, or anyone else. Last night for the first time I kinda let some of my emotions out on my friend and this morning slightly felt guilty about it but somewhat relieved. Sometimes even when we're struggling in the very depths of our hearts know we can do better, and when we shy away from that at any time, during any struggle we regret it. The worst of it all is there is someone out there that I need to talk to, but I seem to be talking to the wrong people about it. My closest friends know how positive and faithful I can be, when I start to fall anything short, they don't want to hear about it. I don't blame them. There's nothing worse than a sour puss.

I think I know who I need to talk, but that's the very last person I would like to approach...

There are reasons for what we go through... I'm just still trying to figure out the reason and the time for it right now.

You Wood.

Design is embedded in me. Even when I try to run far from design, it finds me. Last night after looking at a bunch of nursery decorations with my sister I start "blog surfing" this morning and last night. I ran across some incredible ideas. So I've decided in my "next life" I'm going to be a carpenter. :) Okay, maybe not. But my hat goes off to those who have the time and skills to make incredible furniture and decorations out of a simple piece of wood.

I absolutely love this idea. I love texture so I guess that's what struck me the most from this. The furniture should be crisp and modern with a wall as crazy as this. With some pops of color!





I love this stair case. I would definitely have this in my house if I could. Another idea, wood crates for a stair case! Is that possible? Anything is possible! You could always cover the concrete with wood slabs, some sanding and staining work!







Is this Cafe an indoors or outdoors cafe!? Why not both. What a cool company. http://www.naturemaker.com/index.php
(artificial steel trees) They had one in the middle of a gym too!! I love this idea. This cafe looks cozy, I'd eat there.




Okay. but let's be realistic.. who can bring in a whole tree into their house!? How about a branch then, and lets add lights!




hmm. The ideas and possibilities are ENDLESS! I love design! :)

Bring on the Arizona Summer!

Typical for one to feel on overheat when they step into the sunshine in the valley of the sun, but instead of a plea for thirst coming out of my mouth, comes a gasp of relief. Of course there will be mounds of sweat this summer in Arizona but I'm happy. Part of me is discouraged that I didn't finish up in SLC with a degree but I know in my heart that I'm in the right place. Life can bring discouraging news all it wants but it's how we approach the news that molds who we are.

I received a call from my former bishop today to tell me how much he loved me and appreciated my work (although I know it wasn't much because I was in my calling for a mere week). Yesterday I received a letter in the mail from the LDSBC President Larry Richards, "Congratulations for being one of the few students who maintained a 3.7 or higher for the 2008-2009 school year!" It's kinda nice to hear compliments once in a while for all your hard work. :) SLC was not easy, this summer may not be easy here but its definitely been worth it. There and hopefully here now.

I'm still on the search for a summer job to save me money but I've sold quite a lot of things and have made more than expected. Amazing what a little spring cleaning can make you! I don't know what's going to happen this summer but one thing is for certain, I need to remain positive! After all, you never know who's falling in love with your smile. ;)

Decisions.

Decisions are so difficult for me. I've never understood why! I wished I were more decisive and not indecisive. That is how we learn though. Sometimes even when we study out the choices we can still feel mixed up. Wished this wasn't the case.


Funny how the Lord answers your prayers. If you pray for patience, the Lord is going to send you to a classroom full of children. If you want money, the Lord is going to put you in the most challenging job ever.

I prayed if I should be going home, again. I guess I found my answer when the company I put my resume in for in Utah, told me I was not rehire able! I was a little annoyed when I found out why. But relieved when my old boss in Arizona told me she had a job opportunity for me. Coincidence? The Lord is aware of me! I just have to take some deep breaths as I've been whip lashed on this roller coaster ride.

So give me a minute as I catch my breath while I move back to the sunny state of Arizona. :)

Anxious. Excited. Nervous. Happy to go to Arizona for the summer! Wish me luck.